Happiness

   Why is that we rely on the people that surround us to find happiness? Why do we care so much what other people say, do and think? I am hoping I am not the only person that feels this way, but who knows! I don't understand why if I feel that someone doesn't support something I do, or they don't return a call or message, it makes me inadequate. Why do I rely so much on other people. There is so much more to my feeling that I don't think that I can write down or even figure out how to explain. I think I search so hard for assurance from people that I just set myself up for failure. I don't know why but I always feel as if I am not good enough. That I always have to be one step ahead of the game trying to impress people. I don't want to live like this. That isn't happiness. Why can't I just be happy with who I am and if the people that are around me don't like me the way I am, then they are no friends at all. I get so tired of putting fourth all the effort in certain relationships and trying to rekindle a friendship where on the other side, nothing is happening. And I let that effect me and hurt me. Shouldn't it be if someone doesn't want to take the time out for me, then I should move on and realize they are the ones missing out. Maybe being a hormonal pregnant woman this is all crazy and out of wack, but I get these feelings when I am not pregnant too. Just last night it seemed like the pressure of certain things and things people were doing and saying are really getting to me. I know that God loves me and God is love and he is all I need to be happy, but why can't I apply that to my life? Why do I try so hard to be in control of my happiness? I know and have heard time and time again that true happiness is found in knowing HIS word. "Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding" Proverbs 3;13. I know that I need to be on my knees and laying this at Gods feet. But why do I find that so hard. This whole power struggle is crazy! I guess that is just the control factor in my personality. I pray that I can find peace and guidance and that I can release these feelings and power struggle and put my full faith in HIM. This is a journey I have been on for about a year now and I know and feel that my faith has grown tremendously just by ridding myself of certain things in life. Surrounding myself with good Christian friends and those that encourage and want to see me and my family succeed and live a good faith filled life. I want nothing more than to lead Grace to God and set good examples for her, but how do I do that when I can't even figure myself out! I wish this came easier for me. but stay tuned, I feel good things coming in my life. I was thankful when Kyle got me a new bible for my birthday and it is one of the bibles that is set up to read in 365 days and is broken down for you day by day. I really hope this helps me get my face in His word!

" I love those who love me and those who seek to find me." Proverbs 8:17